Worst Commercial...EVER!!!

I'm not a negative person. I'm really not. However, I find that my last few posts have been somewhat negative and cynical. Trouble is, I feel the need to share with you one more cynical view I have...this one has to do with advertising. I quite possibly have seen the worst commercial ever in the history of advertising. Believe me, there are some bad ones, but this may take all. I have boycotted franchises such as Wendy's and Sears for some horribly cheesy commercials, but this may be worse.

I call this commercial "The Tricky Housewife." She's sneaky. See, we're supposed to think that she's really cooking and cleaning all the time like a good housewife should be doing...but guess what...SHE'S NOT. She's duped us all. See, she actually is using--brace yourself--glade plug-ins. Oh, you trickster! She had us going though.

Not only is this commercial nauseatingly cheesy, it also delays the feminist movement by about 35 years.

Desert Island: A New Version?

You know, people always like to play the game "Desert Island" or variations thereof. Basically, this game involves discussing which book/album/movie you would take with you if you were to be stranded on a desert island. I've played a million times--not really interesting anymore (for the record: East of Eden/Radiohead: The Bends/Shawshank Redemption).

I've decided there is a more interesting way to play: If you could send your #1 nemesis to a desert island, which book/album/movie would you send with them? Ahh, now this question is one worth pondering for a long long time. First, whom would I send? I've narrowed it down to three possible candidates:

Door #1: Josh Groban--This photo alone is almost enough to send him.


Candidate #2: Guy from CSI:Miami--the dramatic way he takes those shades off before whispering a poignant line like, "Now that's the definition of cold-blooded" should make him a shoe-in.

Third possibility: Sean Hannity. The 2008 election fueled my hatred for this man. Trouble is, my and your hatred is what fuels him, so he would be my third choice...I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

While the person to be sent is up for debate, the items they will be sent with are not debatable. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. And with no runners-up, these are the items to be sent.

Book: Shane. I had to read this in 8th grade. 15 years later, the thought of the book alone makes me want to punch a hole in my wall. One review of this book calls it "emotionally stirring." I will agree with that...it definitely stirs emotion. In fact, it's the only thing that has ever stirred me so emotionally that I considered putting a bullet into my femoral artery.


Album: Chumbawamba-Tubthumper. Thank you, Ben Hardcastle, for not letting me buy this album in December of 1997. Am I proud that I considered buying it? Obviously not, but actually making the purchase is something you don't rebound from too easily. Hardcastle, your foresight has saved me some dignity, and I thank you.

Finally, I would send my #1 nemesis to the island with this movie:

You ever do something and wonder why you did it afterwords? Well I have. Namely when I watched this movie start-to-finish with my roommate seven years ago. Still, what seems like a life time removed from the situation, I see flashes of Vin Diesel dropping some fluorescent Japanese car into third gear to pass some unassuming buff guy with blond-tipped hair and the flashback sends me into extreme emotional instability. Having seen this movie, I feel, at some level, that I understand what living with post-traumatic stress disorder must feel like.

I would love to send Josh Groban or CSI: Miami guy off with these. But the irony is that those two men would probably enjoy the selections, which is exactly why I would send them in the first place. It's a vicious cycle, but can't a boy dream?

Yep.

Having a long, detailed post about the BYU--Utah game is probably really boring since most everyone knows how it turned out. So I'll just say that Jamie and I were there and it was really sweet--oh, and Austin Collie is a weanie. Now, it's off to the BCS!!!

Will Someone Please Punch Me in the Face?

Seriously. This is how I feel right now...and by the way, I'm the guy on the left. The guy on the right is Davis School District. "Hey Ben," they tell me, "We know you've got 1,000 assessments to finish that we're underpaying you to do but still pressuring you to finish in a timely manner, but we really need you to go to another all-day training."

"Um...ok," I cautiously reply, "But is it really important?"
"Oh yeah. Can't survive without this one."

So what is this crazy, insano mandatory, you're-fired-if-you-don't-go training?

Using the Internet.

That's right. That's the title of the training. We've learned invaluable tidbits of information all day that, they're right, I can't survive as a psychologist in the district without knowing. Things like: how to check your email, how to open an attachment, how to attach files to emails, how to search for things you might need, etc.

No doubt that to be successful in my job I need to be able to do these things. And if the year was 1995, and we were just being introduced to this...what is it...this 'world-wide web?', I would understand the need for this training. But the best part is that the instructors are 60-year-old women who keep referring to the internet as "the net" and the action we're doing is "surfing". Ahh, so new, so hip. I think I'm beginning to like this "information super-highway." But what about all that pornography? That's all there is on "the net" right? No? I can find useful things, too? Oh, but I'll get in trouble if I look up porn. Ok. Got it. Great training.

So I have to be really careful when I open "the email" and should limit my time on said "net". That's what I've learned in the last 8 hours. At least I have had access to this mysterious "web" throughout this training and have found plenty of ways to bide the time. In Davis District's defense, I am proof that tons of time can be wasted on the internet.

My life as a father has reached its pinnacle...

I was driving around with my daughter, five-year-old Anna, on Saturday running errands. I had one of the best albums to come out in the last ten years playing, "Hot Fuss" by the Killers. Out of the blue, Anna tells me, "You know, dad...I think the Killers are my favorite band, and I really like that name for a band." Come on. You can't script a conversation better than that. She went on to tell me that she likes "the song about Jenny ('Jenny Was a Friend of Mine'), but 'I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier' is my very favorite song." I thought that was very endearing, not to be some over-indulgent dad, but it was nice--perhaps even blog-worthy. So I've written about this song before, but I love it so much, and it's my daughter's favorite song now... so I've embedded a pretty cool acoustic version of "All These Things That I've Done", or according to Anna, "I've Got Soul, But I'm Not Soldier". Enjoy.

Faithful Readers: I have returned.

Yes, it's been awhile...well only like 6 months. I have decided to get back on the wagon. I got some comments from some long-lost friends and thought, you know, it wouldn't kill me to keep on this blogging business. Maybe it will help me keep in touch with some folks. Honestly, I have nothing monumental to say at this time, so I guess I'll post a really good song I've been digging lately. I discovered this guy Brett Dennen actually in May. I was waiting in line for a Mason Jennings show and saw this big guy with flaming long red hair just walking around. In fact, I wasn't sure if it was a guy or not. Anyway, tons of people kept jumping out of line to get their pictures taken with him/her. I asked my friend if he knew who it was and he didn't. Next thing we know, he's up there playing to open for Mason. And I'll tell you, he was way good. I've been digging him ever since. I actually thought he had a very unique, yet catchy sound.

Just to add a little validity to my saying that Brett's got a good sound, I must say that I am a pretty tough critic at concerts. I should be more open-minded, but for some reason it bothers me when people go to shows and brag about how 'indie' they are by dropping names of "incredible" artists they saw open for blah blah who you've probably never heard of because you're not hip in the music scene like they are. So that said, I would be surprised if his sound didn't catch your ear and tickle your fancy at a first listen. Of course, maybe you've all heard of him and have listening to him for years and I'm just late on the scene. Nonetheless, enjoy this song. It's a gem.

A very nice day

Yeah, it's true. I had a very nice day today. I played a little hooky from work and went skiing at Deer Valley. I have a friend who has a friend who got two lift tickets to Deer Valley from his work then got in a car wreck and busted a couple of ribs and gave my friend the tickets. My friend invited me along and it was fantastic. They've got 120" base of snow, plus they had a few inches of fresh snow. This wouldn't be a huge deal, but it's April 10th. Come on! Great day. So I got really sunburned if you can't tell from this hideous picture I've included. And even though I've increased my chances at getting a potentially life-threatening case of skin cancer, I would say it was worth it. So picture this: the sun shining, no wind, absolutely no crowds (the longest we had to wait in line was when there were 2 that's right, dos people in front of us. The rest of the time we skied right to the lift.), at Deer Valley for free(lift ticket price: $86), and finally, me skiing whilst listening to the playlist I put together last night for the occasion. How do you top that? It was phenomenal. My friend and I estimate that we made between 40 and 50 runs. We skied really hard with no breaks, and I am sure I will not be able to walk tomorrow. What's more, I was fully planning on telling my work tomorrow that I was at a conference. Yeah, I'm sure they'll buy that story as I walk in with a tomato-red face, ice packs ace-bandaged to my knees, and on crutches. "It was a violence conference--yeah, a conference on gang violence...hands on training. I took on this crazy O.G. who had a knife and a gun. You should see him, he looks way worse than me. Oh, the sunburn? It was at a tanning salon under a heat lamp and I had on goggles to protect my eyes, that's why I look like a raccoon. They broke in. It was all staged, though. It was a really good experience...learned a lot." I think they'll buy it.

So anyway, I'm skiing to this sweet playlist and at the moment when we were making one of the best runs in virgin powder (do I need to remind you that it's April 10th today?) and tonight's featured song comes on. It was so great. "Great" is the only word my below-average vocabulary is supplying me with right now. But it was better than that. I would say that it was awesome, but I can't say that it was literally awe-inspiring. But it was good...great.

I feel like I need a disclaimer because this is another bitter love song. But it's so good. I heard this for the first time on a live album, performed alone by the front man of the band, Jeff Tweedy. It's fantastic live and solo, but then I heard the version of the full band doing it on a Volkswagen commercial several months ago and was able to find the song. So, though difficult to find, I supply you with "The Thanks I Get" by Wilco. Imagine yourself shredding some powder (or looking like an uncoordinated fool on the hill, and do people use the phrase "shredding" in relation to skiing or anything besides confidential documents anymore?). Anyway, it's one of those songs that will have you at "hello". I guarantee you'll love it. Just, sorry it's another bitter love song. It just came on at a good time today. Enjoy.

I'd like you to meet Mason Jennings

Hello, there is an artist to whom I'd like to introduce you this evening. I've actually referenced him before, but I'll do it again tonight. His music constitutes about 50-60 percent of my listening.

Mason is on my mind because I have found yet another tie between him and Jack Johnson (in fact, remind me to feature a great song that they sing together in the coming weeks). I love Jack Johnson. Everything about him is so great. He's just a really nice guy...it seems. And he's really humble...or appears as such. And his music is mind-blowing.

His new album is fantastic. It's called "Sleeping Through the Static". His ability to put 12 great songs on every album truly blows me away. There are no other artists who can consistently do that. My very favorite artists even have lowlights on their albums, but Jack is so consistent with every album. So he owns is own label, Brushfire Records that is everything one would want from a record label--great artists, independent, and even environmentally friendly. The whole thing is run from solar power. So I'm reading Rolling Stone the other day and it talks about Mason Jennings, to whom this post is dedicated. He has been buddies with Jack Johnson for quite some time, but Rolling Stone indicated that Mason recently joined Brushfire Records. He also told RS that the first time he met Jack Johnson was after he (Mason) had been performing. He got off the stage, and a man whom he later recognized as Jack Johnson said, "Hey, that was really good. Why don't you go up there and play some more?" So he did. And, thus, my love for Mason was deepened. So, it is Mason Jennings to whom I would like to introduce you. An old roommate discovered him about 6 years ago by searching for Jack Johnson music. Mason came up under 'related artists'. So I will give you the first song of Mason's that I ever heard as your Earth Glue installment this week. It's called "Living in the Moment" I think. Enjoy. Wow, I just read this post. That was a really round-about way to getting to the subject. Thanks for sticking with me.

Bitter love...

Part One:
Hi there. I'm a little hesitant to approach this week's topic in Earth Glue, but I feel that it's necessary. I recently met up with an old friend I hadn't seen in several years. A good man, Will Daines. He's in medical school at Columbia. Smart as a whip, that Will. Anyway, he was talking about how he had just ended a relationship and was feeling down about it. The first question I asked him was what, I thought, would have been the first question anyone would have asked in that situation, "Have you been drowning your sorrows in bitter love songs?" He looked at me very strangely and I began my lecture on the healing process and music's pivotal role in it. There we sat, my wife Jamie, Will, and I in a quaint Greenwich Village cafe (actually it was a McDonald's on Times Square, but doesn't the former sound more appropriate for the occasion?).

I put my arm delicately around my dear wife, whom I love deeply (and I am not speaking facetiously here), and I said, "Listen, Will, I love being married. The only thing I do not like about being happily married is that bitter songs of heartbreak no longer carry the same weight." It is true. When you're on your way home and Dashboard Confessional comes on the radio, it's hard to get too into it when your wife is going to greet you with a kiss in five minutes, and you, in turn, are really excited to see her. But, alas, I love bitter songs of heartbreak. I don't know why. I think it's because you can really feel the despair in the music. You really feel like the band is putting their all into it. I love that.

I offer the question: is it okay for me to still love this type of music in my situation, or should I grow up and move on? I don't know. For now, I will revel in the heartfelt tones of heartbreak music.

Part Two:

I just got an email from my dad. I hate forwards. No, I loath forwards. But he forwarded me some "put-downs with class" email. He doesn't generally forward things to me, so I actually read this particular forward. It was pretty good. A lot of Winston Churchill quotes. He was quite witty. Anyway, the point of the email was that put-downs used to have class rather than just telling someone to f-off or whatever. I liked it. It got me thinking about music. You know, in the good old days there were some great bitter songs, but classy ones. I like the new ones, too, but man could Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson put together a good bitter tune.

So I focus tonight on the greatest bitter/pathetically sad heartbreak songs out there. I'll offer my favorites in no particular order. Some are classics like I previously mentioned, some are really sappy emo songs, but they all share the same passion in their delivery.

Wanting Her Again--Ben Kweller
The Best Deceptions--Dashboard Confessional
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright--Bob Dylan
She'll Come Back to Me--Cake
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You--Colin Hay
The First Day of My Life--Bright Eyes
Pictures of You--The Cure
Waltz--Elliott Smith
Out To Get You--James
The Thanks I Get--Wilco
Mr. Brightside--The Killers
Bullet--Mason Jennings
Knives Out--Radiohead
Why Aren't You Here--Rhett Miller
Time To Move On--Tom Petty
Writing to Reach You--Travis
Red Red Wine--UB40
Fat--Violent Femmes
Why Bother--Weezer
Sad Songs and Waltzes--Willie Nelson

Ok, I was able to cut it to 21, but I can't go any further. If you're ever feeling down, check these songs out. You will want to cut yourself for awhile, but your overall recovery time will be much faster. I guarantee it. So, that said, I feature tonight's Earth Glue Song. It is the grandfather of all bitter heartbreak songs written by the master songwriter of all time.

When I spoke earlier of sophistication I thought of this song. Song for the Dumped by Ben Folds Five is good when it says, "Give me my money back, you bitch." You feel his pain, but where's the sophistication, the poetry? I hear 7th graders say stuff like that to each other in the hallway every day when I'm at work.

But Bob Dylan. Ah yes, the man can weave words. So sit back and enjoy a masterfully ironic, bitter, and hateful song of heartbreak. This song is called Don't Think Twice, It's Alright. You've probably heard it, but pay attention this time. It's pretty subtle at times, but this song has serious bite.

"I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier."

Hello, hello to all you people out there. It's a pleasure, truly. I've listened to this week's song no less than 50 times in the past two weeks. I'm not lying when I say that I get chills about half way through the song every single time I hear it. Lately I have been all about The Killers. They are just awesome. I do not dispute that "awesome" is the most over-used word in the English language. It drives me absolutely crazy to hear people refer to rather ordinary things as 'awesome.' "Hey, that lunch was awesome." Or, "Oh man, you went to Skyline? Awesome." Seriously? So you're telling me that it is literally awe-inspiring that the person whom you just met attended Skyline High School? Wow. Come on. But I'm telling you tonight, right this minute, that The Killers are truly awe-inspiring, or "awesome" to me. The large majority of their songs give me chills. I'm not exaggerating.

So I've been really into them lately, then my friend tells me that their front man, Brandon Flowers, is actually an active member of the LDS church. I, being an active member of the LDS church myself, was actually quite pleased and intrigued to hear this. I've heard it before, you know. Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, Billy Corgan, etc. etc. But I actually researched it and found that Brandon Flowers was born in Henderson, NV, just outside of Las Vegas, into an LDS home. They moved to Nephi, UT when he was like 8 years old and stayed there until he was 16 or 17. Then they moved back to Vegas where he started making music legitimately. He went through some crazy years apparently, living like the proverbial rock star. He later got married and (I think) had a baby, then he settled down and returned to his roots as a faithful member of the LDS church (This was all found in a SPIN magazine interview).

I truthfully don't really care if a band, personality, or anyone else in pop culture is of my faith. Honestly--couldn't care less. But it is quite refreshing to see that there's someone out there who's of my faith but not a real dork. I know, it sounds shallow and foolish, but it's true. Have you honestly looked at my religion's reference group? Let's take a quick look at the people who have brought publicity to Mormons:

First, we have the prototype of a nerd, albeit very intelligent, likable and nice:
Ken "Jeopardy Guy" Jennings

Next, a man who really needs no introduction, the slimiest car-salesman-turned-presidential candidate since Wendell Willkie:


The only others that come to mind presently are everyone's favorite B-list duo:


Again, it doesn't matter. I'm proud of my faith, or as Paul says, "I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ (Romans 1:16)." But I also recognize that I'm pretty shallow, and there is something validating about Brandon Flowers being of my faith, though I can't say exactly what it is. So that said, I will give you a YouTube link for a great live performance of the song, or just play the box below to hear the studio version of "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers.

"I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier." I know, Brandon, I know. You give me, the no-name, dorky LDS kid in Utah hope. You'll always be a soldier in my eyes.

YouTube link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qm5n1aimznE&feature=related

Studio-recorded song, no video:

I was bound for Mexico...

Again, my apologies to my faithful readers. I am very sorry. Please don't give up on me. I will do better from now on. That is a promise. I can't lose you, so please hang on (that's you, Liz, Dave, Hannah...please). I'm not desperate though, I swear. Not at all.

So this week has been very nice. I had a real kick-in-the-pants weekend last weekend in Mexico. Now that sounds a little more glamorous than it really is. Turns out, a couple of friends and I drove all night last Thursday, went 2 hours below the border past San Diego, spent Friday and Saturday there, drove back Saturday night and Sunday. So we totally planned on having beautiful, 70-degree days, but as it turns out, we got there and it was nearly hurricane force winds and about 45-50 degrees. We're trying like mad to get the tent just stand up and running on no sleep when Brandon, the guy who threw all this together and the only real surfer on the trip, suggests that we go surfing. After choking back a few tears at the thought of going in the water that would have been mind-numbing even in 80 degree sunlight, I figured I didn't want to be a pansy, so I went along. Yeah, I'm a follower, and it's gotten me nowhere in life. So here's our first descent to the beach and water in the hurricane. I'm on the right with Brandon, the real surfer, on the left. So we paddled out...

And I got tossed around in the torrential gale like a rag doll...

I was actually completely shocked at how well the wetsuits we had insulated us. The water was only 50 degrees, and still I could stay out there for a long time and not even feel the chill of the water. It was amazing. Anyway, the next day, Saturday was beautiful.

Oh yeah, and when we got there it was so windy that we had to set up the tent by a satan worshiper crack house for shelter. It was a little creepy, but don't tell anyone I told you.
But, yeah...it was a lot nicer the next day. We played football on the beach, surfed (or got tossed around in waves and suffocated in salt water in my case), read on the beach. It was just great. Oh, the fresh fish tacos were unparalleled.
Here we are hanging out on the beach. That's me in the middle on the chair in the wetsuit, Christian on the left and Brandon on the right. Not pictured is Ben Springer, from whom I got all these pictures, and who is responsible for any pictures we have. Thanks, Ben.
It was just great. So, that said, we had a theme song of the trip that is featured in this Earth Glue installment. Christian, again, on the left in the brown shirt, introduced us to the Old Crow Medicine Show (pictured on right). We all loved them and must have heard the following song 15 times. I hope you like it. It's got a great bluegrass sound and feel and you can't help but tapping your toe and hoping you could get rocked like a wagon wheel, whatever that means. Thanks, Christian. Enjoy, everyone. This is the Old Crow Medicine Show with "Wagon Wheel."

Earth Glue: Grunge

Well, it's been awhile. I apologize to all you faithful readers out there. Thanks for not giving up on me. For this week's song, I don't have any theories to share with you. Nothing deep, which I'm sure you'll recognize it to be nothing like me because I'm SO deep all the time. Sorry, not this week.

Today's song isn't one that speaks to the soul necessarily, but it's a very good song. It comes for my sister, Hannah. She is studying to become a physician's assistant (PA) in Chicago. I know, the first time I heard the title "PA", I thought it was similar to "dental assistant" or something like that. But you should know "PA" is nothing like "MA" (medical assistant), which one can become if they get a fake associates degree at a fake college like Stevens-Henegar College where tuition is $20,000 a year. Whew, what a run-on sentence. Anyway, a PA is a masters degree and a very competitive field. Hannah, my sister, is hands-down the most intelligent/driven individual I know, so please don't accuse her of studying to become a CNA in Chicago.

Ok, that's neither here nor there. So Hannah just heard this guy Todd Snider (pictured on right), to whom I was introduced by a friend about a year ago. I asked her if she had heard one of his best songs, "Talkin' Seattle Grunge Blues," which she had not. So I am making it this week's song. It's very funny, and those of you within about three years of my age (24-30) will really appreciate it because you experienced the grunge movement. Just so you know, I have a real reverence for grunge music and would be lying if I told you I didn't own a Mudhoney album, but the fact that I have that reverence makes it legal for me to laugh. Kind of like how Chris Rock can make jokes about black people but Michael Richards (thankfully) cannot. Forgive me for comparing a trivial topic like grunge music to a relevant, real social topic like racism; but I think you got my point.

Anyway, great song. Funny song. And this man has many more. Check him out. It's live in Boulder, CO. Ladies and gentlemen...Todd Snider...

Earth Glue: Martin Luther King Day

Hello and happy Martin Luther King Day,

I don't have a lot to say about this week's song selection. I kept it seasonally appropriate, though. I am still fascinated by the fact that I don't have to work tomorrow because it is MLK Day. You see, growing up in Idaho, it was just another day. School in session, banks working, etc. The opening day of the deer hunt, though, that is another story. Banks closed, school out, etc.

So, about my song selection...

I have chosen the song "Dr. King" by Mason Jennings, who is absolutely my favorite artist. An old roommate of mine, Jake Steed, came across Mason in a search for Jack Johnson songs. Mason's name popped up as a related artist. They definitely have a similar style. Mason is a little less poppy than Jack, and I say that with all due respect to Jack. I love...seriously have a man-crush on Jack Johnson. Saying someone's music has a pop sound has a negative connotation, but that doesn't necessarily mean the artist is part of a boy band produced in some studio. It means there's a catchy, attractive feel to the music, in my opinion. And if a person doesn't like an artist or song because it is to "poppy", they're clearly into their particular music because of the image it provides them. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Where was I? Ah yes, Mason Jennings. Love the man. I should say as a side note that Mason is an acquired taste for most. But I believe those types of artists often have the longest-lasting relationships with their listeners.

Mason Jennings FAQ:

Ben, what if I can only buy one album?
I would probably say Century Spring, released in 2002. But Use Your Voice and Simple Life are not far behind.

Ben, what if I can only do one song?
Why, why would you put me in this position? I would say don't even bother checking him out. Only downloading one Mason Jennings song would be like going to the trouble of getting a super-model's number and never calling her. If you're going to do it, go through with it all the way.

Ok, enough. So "Dr. King" is off of the Birds Flying Away album. It's obviously a dedication to MLK. It's very nice. It draws parallels between MLK and Jesus...very touching song. In the song you will hear below, I have added clips of MLK's "I have a dream..." speech in parts of the song with no singing. I have also added various pictures from the civil rights movement into a slide show to go with the song. There aren't any neat special effects or anything, just some good pictures and a good song with MLK's voice added in. I hope you like it.

Earth Glue: Lawn mowing albums and songs that speak to your soul

A little autobiography. Forgive me.

Part One:

When I was a young lad, it was my responsibility to mow our immense lawn in Montpelier, Idaho. When I tell you that it was an entire acre, I am not kidding. It took hours. Well, as a 15-year-old, I got a Discman for Christmas. You remember Discmans? They were awesome. Mine took 8 AA batteries, and they lasted about 6 hours. Anyway, I was very excited about this Discman. The first idea that came to mind on how I would use it was for mowing the lawn. However, it was too large to carry with me while I mowed, so I spent the rest of the winter coming up with a plan on how to use it while mowing the lawn. I've never claimed to have any ingenuity, and consequently, when the summer arrived, the only idea I had come up with was to duct tape the cd player around my chest under my shirt. If it were over my shirt it would have skipped too much. It needed to be as secure as possible. My next task was finding an album that was so good that I would not have to skip any songs...a lawn mowing album. Tom Petty Greatest Hits was the closest I could find at the time, but "Don't Come Around Here No More" messed it up. At that particular time in my life, I was unaware of the amazing music that came out in the early nineties, available at my fingertips, so finding a 'lawn-mowing' album was difficult.

Part Two:

I will be forever indebted to Jordan Pope. He was a great friend, and I have unfortunately fallen out of touch with him, though we both live in the SLC area. When I was 15, I went on a school trip with Jordan and some other friends to London. After listening to Green Day Dookie seven times in a row on the airplane, I was tired of it (and have been ever since, to be honest). Jordan handed me an album from a music group of whom I not heard as we landed. "Try this cd," he said, "I think you'll like it." I grabbed it, thanked him, and put it in my Discman. I did not have time to listen to it as I got my luggage at the airport, but as soon as we got on the bus from the airport, I played it. The first song, I thought was a little weird, so I skipped to the second. What transpired at that moment was a life-changing experience. This song spoke to my soul. I know that sounds dramatic...it is. But it is the only way I can describe it. A friend of mine comes the closest to matching the description by saying "mind-blowing (Springer, 2006)".

I sat back in my seat on the bus and listened as this song from Jordan Pope spoke to my soul while we made our way into London. I remember everything like it was yesterday...the weather, the sites, but mostly the sensation deep inside of me that overwhelmed me as this song spoke to my soul. I remember hoping the song would never end. And when it did, I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and continued on with the rest of the "mind-blowing (Springer, 2006)" album.

That album was the first true lawn-mowing album I experienced, and that song was the first song that ever truly spoke to my soul. So without further adieu, I offer you the title track off of Radiohead's second album, The Bends. Thank you, Jordan Pope.

May this song speak to your soul as it did mine, and may you find this album and duct tape it to your chest in a Discman. You will be happy for the 6 hours your batteries will last you, but miserable for the 2+ hours it will take you to get the duct tape off.





Reference:

Springer, B.J. (2006). What makes a song "mind-blowing". Discussions en route to Daybreak Elementary, (2)1.

Is parallel parking attractive?

A good question. I have been married for five years now and am quite "out of the game", as they call it. Of course by saying I am only "out of the game", I am implying that there was a time in my life when was in said "game." That is somewhat misleading. As can be clearly seen above (a picture taken at my job about 20 seconds ago), I am not a "lady killa," "playa," "balla," nor any other noun with a single 'a' in place of the 'er'.

However, there is one thing going for me in the positive direction. What I lack in good looks and impressive physique, I make up in parallel parking skills. It drives Jamie, my dear wife, crazy that I always brag about it. In fact, she hopes and prays that there are no parallel spots available when we are looking for a spot because she has to listen to me brag about it. Well, there's one thing she doesn't have to do when we find a spot...that is wait for me to take several stabs at parking then give up. If the spot can possibly fit my car with 6 inches on either side, you'll be walking to your final destination within seconds. Well the other day I was at the Gateway in Salt Lake City (I thought I'd specify for all you out-of-state readers I have out there...I sometimes read this blog when I'm outside of the beehive state.). Anyway, the Gateway was quite crowded so I had to resort to the parallel spots on the street to the west of the mall (500 W.). I found a tight spot and was parked within seconds, naturally, but on my way to the mall, something caught my eye. A person in a gray sedan was struggling mightily trying to squeeze into a spot. I slowed down and watched traffic build behind the driver, but the driver was persistent on getting in. So I thought I would do society a favor.

I walked over to the car and tapped on the window. The window rolled down to reveal a young lady probably in her early twenties. She looked a little weirded out (see picture above), but before she could get too nervous, I said, "Can I help you park your car?" Turns out, she got a little more nervous...understandably. I said, "Really, I'm an excellent parallel parker." She turned to her friend, another young lady in her early twenties, gave her a shrug, looked at the line up of cars behind her, and said, "Sure." She and her friend got out of the car, and I worked my magic. Though it was a clutch I wasn't used to, I was able to get into the space in one try, obviously, and shut the car off, got out, and gave her the keys. She said, "Thanks a lot," to which I replied, "no problem."

I walked off and got about ten feet away when I heard the driver over my shoulder, "So I guess you want my number, right?" I turned around and casually replied, "No thanks, I'm married. Just wanted to use what skills I have to make the world a better place. Take care." And I was off like a phantom in the night.

So the moral of the story is, if a guy like me, who has been so out of touch for so long and was never really in touch in the first place, can get someone to offer their number for successfully parallel parking their car, there is hope for all of you who want an easy way to get digits. By the way, do they still call them "digits"? Better question: did they ever call them "digits"? Good luck out there, fellas. There are many fine-lookin' ladies just waiting to have their cars parallel parked.

Nice to meet you.

Here I am posting blogs about my rather uneventful life. I recognize that no one will really care too much about what I have to say. But typing my thoughts and opinions and stories will at least make me feel important to myself. So I will write my thoughts as though someone is actually reading them to make myself feel important. Do I have good grammar? Not really. Do I have a large vocabulary for making eloquent posts? Not particularly. Will I continue to pose questions and then answer them myself? Hopefully for you, the reader, no...but I probably will.

I will primarily post stories of things that happened to me, again, pretending that people care. I will also have a music part called "Earth Glue" wherein I will post some music. Sometimes there will be a theme, and sometimes I'll just post a good song. Be prepared to have your mind blown. Unfortunately there is no sarcasm key on the keyboard, so when I say something like, "prepare to have your mind blown," it kind of makes me look like a pretentious joker. Maybe I am. Anyway, I look forward to our cyber relationship. This could be the beginning of something very special.